I like my posts to be structured. I like them to have an obvious subject. I like that we can discuss this subject, and you can give me your feedback. Tonight, I have no structure. I am structureless. Unstructured.
That's how I'm feeling in my life lately. Unstructured, and to be honest, I'm not really sure why. Have you all experienced it? That funk, where you just feel like you are at a standstill. It's like you have so many different paths and you just stand there staring at them, unmoving. And while you stand there staring, these paths get further and further away. And you know, just know, that one of them is good. One of those paths is so spectacularly wonderful and you desperately want to be on it. But here's the catch, they all look the same at the beginning. So you're standing there, motionless, and these paths are somehow moving further away from you and you just want to scream "Stop! Just give me a minute to decide which path I want to take!"
But you can't. And even if you could, the paths wouldn't listen. So you you just have to make up your mind. And you know what? Eventually you realize, they are all wonderful. Some may take you to unexpected places, some might be a little rougher than others, but they will all teach you. And you will reach the destination if you keep trying. Some paths might lead you right back to where you started. But that's okay. You just need to learn some more.
That's what this is all about, learning. We learn every day. And I am learning to see the beauty in everything. I can see the obvious beauty in my daughter's strawberry stained smile, with her curly hair standing out all around her head like a little Einstein. I can see the beauty in my son's laughter and huge grin, when I just know that he is truly enjoying the moment and feeling only love. And then there is the less obvious beauty. Things like the beauty of heartache. When it hurts so bad, you think this pain can't possibly last one single second more. But it does. And you learn you can survive. There's beauty in that. Beauty in the new found strength, and beauty in the knowledge that you can do it.
So here's to the path, whichever one you choose. Here's to the long way, and the bumpy road. Here's to even getting lost a few times and having to start over. Here's to learning. Just know, you aren't on that path alone. We're all there. We are all sharing this experience together, for better or worse.
Maybe I do have a little bit of structure tonight after all.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Fearless
I have so many questions today, but before I get to them I have to take a minute to tell you what I did this past week! I'm so excited because it was crafty and messy! Layla and I made these adorable little chicks in a nest, out of peeps and chocolate covered pretzels. But that's not all, we also made yummy cake pops (which I proceeded to eat way too many of) that looked like Easter eggs. They were dipped in white chocolate and then Layla painted them with different colors of chocolate. I was covered in chocolate, as was Layla, and just to show you how crazy it got, Cal was even covered with chocolate at one point (much to his delight)! The best part? It was fun and I didn't flip out over the mess! Score one for mom!
Okay, with that out of the way...How do you raise fearless children? Do you even want to? I have thought about these questions a lot lately as I watch my sweet Layla growing up. Right now she, like pretty much every two year old, is fearless. I mean the mom's-having-yet-another-heart-attack fearless. The you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me-get-down-from-there-this-instant fearless. To be honest, I love her even more for her reckless abandon.
My husband, Kelly, and I were talking about how we want to raise our kids. I am a majorly fearful person. I have so much anxiety over the simplest things. If there's something to worry about, rest assured I've got that covered. I wish it were different, but that's just me, that's always been me. I remember being scared to death in elementary school that my mom would forget me and I would be stuck at school forever (just so you know, I was never forgotten, that is so not my mom, but I worried nonetheless).
It seemed to me like my worry was always justified. For example, again in elementary school I was always too afraid to buy my lunch. I just had my mom pack me a lunch every day because I was unsure of how to buy school lunches. I will never forget that the one day I decided to buy my lunch was the day that the prices of lunches went up a dime. Our teacher explained that to us in the morning and told us it was okay if we didn't have enough money that day, but that we would need to bring the right amount from then on. I was so upset, I think I cried until lunch was over. Ridiculous, right?
As a mom these fears have grown. You know what I'm talking about. Will my children be good people? Will they contribute to society? What if I don't like who they marry? What if the who they marry doesn't like me? Will they get picked on in school? Will they get good grades? How will we afford college? How can I survive the two years my son will be gone on his mission? Will they know how much I love them? Will they know how much Heavenly Father loves them?
Oh, these fears are so much more real than buying a school lunch. The trick is to keep them from overtaking you. I know, I have those moments. Those moments when the fear is so real that it's right there in your throat, choking you. Those moments when I look into Layla's sweet eyes and know someday she will come to me with a broken heart, and I won't be able to fix it. The fear when I look at Cal and can see him in the future, asking girls on dates and driving.
But how do I keep my kids from having all the silly little fears that didn't seem so silly and little when I was a kid? I always thought that some fear was healthy, but then I had a really amazing conversation with Kelly, who wants our kids to be fearless. When he said this I have to admit, I lost it. I started shrieking at him about how fear can provide safety. He explained that he thinks knowledge can do the same thing, only more effectively than fear. It makes sense. He wants, and I ended up agreeing, our kids to know consequences and reality, but to not be afraid.
How do you feel about this? Do you think it is good to have a little bit of fear? Does it keep life balanced? If so, how do you keep it from getting out of control? What about being fearless? Do you think that is possible?
Oh yeah, those moments I mentioned? The ones where fear is strangling me? I have learned how to tell fear that my family rocks, and no matter what, we are all going to be just fine.
Okay, with that out of the way...How do you raise fearless children? Do you even want to? I have thought about these questions a lot lately as I watch my sweet Layla growing up. Right now she, like pretty much every two year old, is fearless. I mean the mom's-having-yet-another-heart-attack fearless. The you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me-get-down-from-there-this-instant fearless. To be honest, I love her even more for her reckless abandon.
My husband, Kelly, and I were talking about how we want to raise our kids. I am a majorly fearful person. I have so much anxiety over the simplest things. If there's something to worry about, rest assured I've got that covered. I wish it were different, but that's just me, that's always been me. I remember being scared to death in elementary school that my mom would forget me and I would be stuck at school forever (just so you know, I was never forgotten, that is so not my mom, but I worried nonetheless).
It seemed to me like my worry was always justified. For example, again in elementary school I was always too afraid to buy my lunch. I just had my mom pack me a lunch every day because I was unsure of how to buy school lunches. I will never forget that the one day I decided to buy my lunch was the day that the prices of lunches went up a dime. Our teacher explained that to us in the morning and told us it was okay if we didn't have enough money that day, but that we would need to bring the right amount from then on. I was so upset, I think I cried until lunch was over. Ridiculous, right?
As a mom these fears have grown. You know what I'm talking about. Will my children be good people? Will they contribute to society? What if I don't like who they marry? What if the who they marry doesn't like me? Will they get picked on in school? Will they get good grades? How will we afford college? How can I survive the two years my son will be gone on his mission? Will they know how much I love them? Will they know how much Heavenly Father loves them?
Oh, these fears are so much more real than buying a school lunch. The trick is to keep them from overtaking you. I know, I have those moments. Those moments when the fear is so real that it's right there in your throat, choking you. Those moments when I look into Layla's sweet eyes and know someday she will come to me with a broken heart, and I won't be able to fix it. The fear when I look at Cal and can see him in the future, asking girls on dates and driving.
But how do I keep my kids from having all the silly little fears that didn't seem so silly and little when I was a kid? I always thought that some fear was healthy, but then I had a really amazing conversation with Kelly, who wants our kids to be fearless. When he said this I have to admit, I lost it. I started shrieking at him about how fear can provide safety. He explained that he thinks knowledge can do the same thing, only more effectively than fear. It makes sense. He wants, and I ended up agreeing, our kids to know consequences and reality, but to not be afraid.
How do you feel about this? Do you think it is good to have a little bit of fear? Does it keep life balanced? If so, how do you keep it from getting out of control? What about being fearless? Do you think that is possible?
Oh yeah, those moments I mentioned? The ones where fear is strangling me? I have learned how to tell fear that my family rocks, and no matter what, we are all going to be just fine.
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