Wow, three months!?!

Has it really been three months since I blogged? Yikes! I have been so busy (we all have) with all of the usual things. Raising a two year old and a one year old leaves me with no free time, and the little bit that I do have is usually spent sleeping. Seriously, I was playing with Layla the other day and I woke up half an hour later! Is that not the worst feeling? When you wake up and freak out and run to make sure everyone is okay? Thankfully Cal was asleep, and Layla just continued to play by herself. Phew! Kelly has been super busy too, work is crazy right now and he is still going to school full-time as well. He will be done in July, yay! Can I just say that I am so thrilled. He is going to take a little break, and then probably apply for his master's. Two more years sounds daunting, but it is so worth it. I'm looking forward to the break though! Aside from the usual craziness that keeps everyone busy, there are two reasons why I have been so busy. They each deserve their own post, so I'll just write about one for now.

I'm pregnant! Ha, I said that like it was some big secret that I was just announcing, but I think anyone that reads my blog knows this by now! I'm due April 1st, but my other two came three weeks early, so I'm thinking it'll be the same with this one. We find out what it is a week from today! Yay! I cannot wait. I think I am more anxious to know what this one is than I was with my other two. My pregnancies were so similar with Layla and Cal, up until about 35 weeks. This one has been so so different. I was so sick, and not just the puking sick, that I could have handled better. I was constantly dizzy, and felt like I was on the verge of passing out the entire first trimester. I was literally afraid to leave my house by myself with my kids because I worried I would be out somewhere and pass out. I know, it sounds dramatic now, doesn't it?

I think another reason why I am so anxious is that this is going to be our last one. I don't know how I feel about that. I have endometriosis, and something really needs to be done about it. The options my doctor gave me that would work for me were not ones that would allow me to have children. It was kind of a matter of now, or try some treatment for 18 months and hope I was able to have kids when we were done with treatment. We went for having one now, and then doing treatment afterwards. My doctor said having three kids so close together in a row could really help me and that it might take longer for the endometriosis to become active again, so we'll see. In the meantime, I have scar tissue that is binding organs together and as I get bigger it pulls organs out of place. And it hurts! I know, I'm a baby, but it hurts!

I'm not sure if I have come to terms with this being our last. Once we started having kids I really really wanted four, I was set on four. Either two or four, but not three. When we had to decide if we wanted more children we knew the answer was yes. So it looks like it will be three. There are some days where three now sounds great to me. Days where Layla is laying on the floor screaming while Cal is managing to cover every square inch of himself, his booster seat, the kitchen table and floor with food. Days when the carpet is no longer visible through the sea of toys. Days when I am certain it is time for Kelly to leave work, and I look at the clock only to see that it is 11am. You know the kind of days I mean.

But there are other days, days when Layla and Cal play together so well. When they are both so sweet and kind to each other. Days when I wonder if this is the right decision. But I tell myself three is good. Three works for our family. And I know it is good, and it does work. But I wonder if I will always question this.

So for now, I'm excited for this baby. Like I said, it has been such a different pregnancy that I have no clue as to what it is. Sometimes I think it is a girl, and sometimes I think it is a boy. I hope it is a girl, because to be honest, I really don't want to deal with a circumcision again! All I have to say is that there was Vaseline and pee everywhere for a good solid month! Okay, maybe it was only a week or two, but it felt like forever!

I will keep you all posted and let you know when we find out what it is!