To Mothers

I am so bummed that I let a month go by without blogging! I have been so busy, but so have all of you so I won't bore you with my details! :)

Because this blog is all about being a mama, I could not let mother's day go unmentioned. This post is for moms everywhere!

For new moms who have so much excitement and nerves all bundled into one. Who have tiny, precious, quiet bundles that are all frog legs and yawns. I know you hear this a million times a day, but they grow up so fast. Honestly, I can't reconcile Layla and brand-new baby Layla as the same person. You will never look back and say, "I held them too much when they were babies." Kelly and I literally held Layla and Cal every single possible second, and it still isn't enough. I love my kids and who they are becoming, but oh there are times when I would love to go back to those snuggly newborn days. My other piece of advice (not that you need it) is to trust your insticts. You are the mom, which automatically gives you some innate capability of understanding your children and what they need. Go with it. And even with this innate ability, there will still be times when you want to throw your hands up in the air and say "I don't get it. I give up." Don't worry, if you feel that way so does everyone else. And you know what? You won't give up. Because you are a mother. You are strong. And you know that this will pass and your child will feel your love all the more for you enduring the difficult times. You can do it.

To moms of toddlers, oh how I feel for you! You are brave, brave women! It takes so much to tackle these days head on. There are times when I want to crawl under my covers and tell Layla, "You go ahead and run the house" But who am I kidding? I don't have to crawl under the covers, Layla runs the house whether I'm there or not! And I love it! I love the chaos. I love the craziness. The happy-to-mad-to-happy-again all in fifteen seconds. It is the toughest thing I have ever done, but I know what it is making me become. I know that if I can make it through this there will eventually be some sort of peace, even if only for a moment. You moms of toddlers rock! You make crazy meals of space ships (chicken nuggets), magic sticks (carrots), trees (what else? Broccoli), and every other sort of thing your toddler can imagine because you know that crazy named food is so much more fun to eat than regular food. You clean up five million messes, and that is just before breakfast. You find ways to amuse your toddler while shopping, in fact the entire store at some point has probably heard your rendition of "The Wheels on the Bus", sung by various items of produce and shampoo. You all amaze me!

To mothers of school kids, I am in awe. You all are in a stage of your life that just doesn't seem fathomable to me. You are coming out of the all-the-time-mommy funk, and can I just say you look amazing! Not that you are no longer an all-the-time-mommy because you are! You champion for better education for your kids. You drive carpools.You pack lunches and cook meals and love your kids. But you are so dang beautiful in your cordinating outfits, and may I add that these clothes do not have spit-up, baby food, or finger prints on them. You wear make-up and do your hair, and I am positive that you shower a whole lot more than I do. I look up to you. You have it together. You are a long time veteran, and you know how to do it. I aspire to be more like you.

To my mother-in-law who raised twelve awesome children, inculding my amazing husband. I am grateful that she taught him the gospel. I am thankful that because of her he has faith in Jesus Christ. I am grateful that she raised my husband to have charity and compassion. I am thankful that she raised a close-knit family, and that they are my family too. I am learning that the more people who love my children, the better. And I am thankful that she loves my children.

To my mom, who was always, and still is, there to listen to me. Somehow my mom has the capability of knowing when I am feeling my worst, and she always asks the right question that makes me burst into tears. I know that even if no one else in the world will feel sorry for me, my mom will. No matter what, she will sympathize with me and then help me to try to look at the situation more positively. I am grateful for her being an awesome mema to my children and for the love she shows them!

To women who want to be mothers, but for some reason do not or cannot have children of their own, you are still a mother. It takes many people to mother a child. Layla loves and looks up to every single one of her aunts, church leaders, and teachers. You are helping to mother my children. You show amazing mothering qualities with your nurturing abilities. You have fun with my children, and for that I am forever grateful. I know I cannot understand your pain, but I do know what it is like to ache for a child of your own. I know what it is like to experience heartbreak, and disappointment. Please know that you are mothers. You are vitally important in the lives of my children.

To mothers everywhere. In all different shapes and sizes. In different stages of life. You are all so beautiful. You have so many stories to tell. So much information to share. I love talking to mothers and getting their pearls of wisdom. I have tried so many new ideas taken from other mamas, and they work! You all know your stuff. You work, you play, you get covered in pee and poo. You clean up puke. You wipe tears and noses. You do all of this with love because you know. You know you are a mother, and you know what matters. You know you are entrusted with these precious gifts from Heavenly Father. You love.

And of course, to my children. Without these two beautiful wonders I would not be who I am. They give me so much that I feel like I am cheating them, because there is no way that I am giving them as much as they are giving me. They teach me about myself, but they also teach me about humanity. It is from loving them that I am learning to be a little kinder to everyone I meet. It is because I care for them that I can care for others.

I am grateful to be a mother.

Changed but Not Ruined

Last week I was with my husband, Kelly, and we stopped in to get his hair cut. While we were there Layla asked to get her hair cut. When Kelly was done the girl that did his hair took Layla back. I went back to help her get all situated in the chair. While I was helping her the guy behind us mentioned to his client what a cute kid Layla is. That totally set his client off on how she is so glad she's not a grandma. She said she discussed with her daughter all the reasons her daughter should wait to have kids, including the reason that kids ruin your life. It was so hard for me to not turn around and say, "You said what to your daughter?" Imagine your mother telling you that kids will ruin your life?


My kids have changed my life. Changed it in every way possible, big ways, small ways, monumental ways. Ways that I still can't even understand. But ruined? No way. Never. They have taught me so much already. In fact, in their short little lives they have already turned into my greatest teachers.


They have taught me a new language. For instance, when Cal starts screaming and the screams end higher than they started, it means he's hungry. When he laughs and gasps at the same time, it means he wants me to put my face close to his and let him give me a kiss on my cheek. When Layla tells me she wants a blue drink it means she wants Gatorade, unless we're at Target. A blue drink at Target means an icee, and it doesn't mean it has to be blue. She also likes red blue drinks. If she's eating a corn dog and she says she wants it cut ty ty, that means she wants me to cut it in half and then into pieces with a knife with a pink handle (yes, it has to be the pink handled knife).


They have taught me patience. By walking with Cal in the middle of the night when he refuses to sleep (mind you, this is usually around 1am, right after his night owl sis has gone to sleep) I learn patience. Patience that I never knew existed. When Layla is screaming for the zillionth time in one day, I learn patience. Not that I am perfectly patient every time, but I am learning, and thankfully my kids are forgiving.


I have also learned strength from my children. They have shown me that I possess so much more strength than I ever knew I had. The strength to stand up for them, and ensure that they have a voice. The strength to battle with doctors and nurses for Layla to make sure that her symptoms are understood and her doctors will respond appropriately. Strength to leave Layla in nursery and stand outside the door while I listen to her cry, when all I want to do is swoop in there and scoop her up (thankfully she loves nursery now and doesn't cry anymore). Strength to make good decisions that I know will benefit them, even if they are difficult now. Plus, they have taught me that I really do have the physical strength to walk through the parking lot holding 24 lbs Layla with one arm and 16 lbs Cal with the other, along with a diaper bag and groceries. :)


Mostly, they have taught me about love. Love that I never could have imagined. Love that brings tears to my eyes just to think about it. Love that means I don't cringe when Layla throws up on me because she doesn't know how to throw up in the toilet yet. Love that means I can get up and snuggle with Cal and enjoy time when it is just him and I when he wakes up early, even though I have only been asleep for about 2 hours. Love that teaches me about Heavenly Father, and how He loves not only me, but my children. How He loves us all, with a love even stronger than how we love our kids. This love that He has for me, for us all, is a hard concept to grasp, but loving my kids has made it a little more understandable.


I am so grateful for them, and all that they teach me. I hope that somewhere in there, I am teaching them too. So do kids ruin your life? Never. They change it every day. Each day I am a different person because of them. Would I trade it? Not for anything. I love them, and even on bad days, they are my greatest joy. They bring Kelly and I so much happiness and laughter, I could not imagine, I do not want to imagine, what my life would be like without them.


So fifty year old lady in the Hello Kitty shirt, leopard print pants, and fedora, guess what? Your daughter did not ruin your life. Her children will not ruin your life, or hers. Perhaps it is time to do away with the wardrobe not even a fifteen year old should have, and move on. Let your daughter, and if one day she has kids, your grandchildren change you. It is amazing how much love kids give when they are shown a little bit in return.